The way my brain works leaves me very focused on whatever has the attention of my brain in any given moment. My intense focus on technical details, stories, and other things I find interesting, important, and a priority has led to great success as the API Evangelist, but it is has also caused me a lot of pain over the years. I have to pay extra special attention to keeping my mouth shut and ears open when engaging with people, something that has made dating earlier in my life, and other social situations challenging because shit goes right over my head a lot.
I am highly aware of how I operate. I embrace it most of the time, but then I also regularly step back and try to work on myself so that I can be more present, less intense, and caring in how I engage with people and move through the world. I am 6’ 3” tall and 250 lbs so if I don’t I can come off as pretty aggressive and scary. I am committed to doing this work on my self, but another aspect of this reality, is I don’t handle it very well when people play games with me and intentionally play politics, hide things from, or aren’t honest about what their intentions are with me.
It is common for things to go over my head. Once I find out, I adjust, and work to accept whatever related outcomes are. However, if something goes over my head because someone is playing games with me, and then I find out about it—-the chances I will respond in a negative or aggressive way increases dramatically. This is why I don’t stick around in any place of employment where my boss isn’t straight up with me, because I cannot be trusted to respond in a professional manner-—which is a problem. To help address, I just avoid working places where people can’t be honest, and leave as soon as I am confident people are playing games.
