As we get close to the five year anniversary of Isaiah’s death, and as I continue to lighten my load in these stressful times, I am thinking a lot about the crushing weight of capitalism, patriarchy, white supremacy, and the uncaring nature of technology. When I spent the summer of 2016 out in the woods with Isaiah, I was reminded of the weight of the world on all of us in some profound ways that will stick with me forever.
Up at Diamond Creek, I was preparing to leave at some point in the day and Isaiah asked me if we could stay here for another couple days, cause he felt at peace here and didn’t want to go back into the world. Isaiah always had his guard up with me and the world, and this was one of the few places he lowered his guard. The other place was up at top of Bolan Lake, where I managed to capture a smile.
These were the only places I ever saw Isaiah put down his load and talk to me. I can’t imagine the load that kid had to carry. It will forever remind me of the load I’ve carried throughout my life, but also the one we are saddling all of our children with when it comes to the environment, financial precarity, technology, and so much more. I feel like it is all coming to a head in this moment.
Throughout May I will be looking for ways to lighten the load on myself and Audrey. It has been an exhausting five years, and I suspect things aren’t going to get easier for some time. I am thankful to have Audrey, Poppy, and have made our way through the thickest of the grief, but May and June will always take work as we remember the kid.
