Poppy R Lane, the Rottweiler at the center our world just got out of surgery. Poppy found a junior dog sized tennis ball in the park, which I took away from her at the beginning of our regular loop around Central Park in the morning. However, as we closed the loop we noticed she had gone back to the spot where the ball was and for some very, very, very dumb ass reason I gave the ball back to her. Poppy then dutifully carried it all the way home in her mouth pulling tight on her leash the whole way as she always does when she finds a new ball-—except this time when we got to the elevator in our building I asked her where the ball was and she didn’t know. It turns out—it was in her stomach.
It took us a full day to realize that she had something in her belly as we wished that maybe she had just dropped it along the way. But by the next morning, afternoon a night of puking, we took her into the doctor. Our veterinarian took her back for an Xray, then came back about 10 minutes later with an image of the ball in her stomach. From there we walked up ten blocks to the veterinary surgical center, and they prepped Poppy for surgery–I left here there, walking back home in tears to spend a very lonely night with Audrey and I realizing a significant piece of both of our hearts was missing.
Poppy is back home on the couch healing now, but the last 72 hours has me thinking just how much our heart is wrapped up in this Rottweiler. Yes, everyone loves their dogs, but Poppy carries a huge load for us which I am confident makes our relationship with her pretty heavy but special. To understand the gravity you have to go back in time to July of 2020 into the grips of Covid. Isaiah had passed away two months before, and I had just finished the trip up to Seattle and back to clean out his apartment. These days were strange, and I worked, and did whatever I could to support Audrey, who out of the blue had declared that she wanted to go pick up this rescue dog—-I was skeptical about having a dog again, but rented a car and drove out to Livermore to meet Roxy–this dog who was being fostered.
It was love at first sight. This little nine month old Rottweiler mix immediately became the center our existence. Everything became about Poppy. Everything. She was a welcome distraction from our lives in this moment. It was the height of Covid and we were heavily mourning the loss of Isaiah. Everything was slow, thick, and sad, but this bundle of joy began to dominate every moment as only the amazing Poppy can.
Poppy was the best thing for Audrey. Honestly I didn’t know what to do for Audrey. Obviously she was crushed. I was barely keeping it together myself and just trying to be there for her, but also showing up for work, and keep my team going at Postman where I was working. Poppy took the lead. Poppy could handle the emotional intensity of channeling Audrey (which ain’t easy), but also me (which ain’t easy). Poppy managed both, while remaining 100% Poppy in each and every moment, demanding happiness, love, and existing within each moment-—which is what we both needed.
Poppy led us through the days where we had the Zoom funeral for Isaiah and even out in the world as we headed up to the Oregon Coast to spread Isaiah’s ashes at Strawberry Fields where his dad’s ashes were also spread. It was such a heavy moment but Poppy led us through the world with joy and curiosity, helping us travel to Oregon and back to Oakland, California during a pandemic. As our hearts began to settle and move towards the early days of healing, Poppy became inextricably woven into our hearts in a very profound and moving way—-as only Poppy could do.
There was a lot of processing to do in this moment for Audrey and I, and Poppy took the lead through it all. When we hiked up to Kerby Peak to retrace steps Isaiah and I took, Poppy was leading the way. She was gentle and loving as she waited for me on the trail as we all wound up the mountain, but she was also relentless in her forward motion–until we reach the top. The top of Kerby Peak was appropriately stormy that day, and Poppy made sure Audrey made it to the top to do what she needed to do that day.
Poppy is so very much the embodiment of everything we were going through at this moment. She absorbed and processed it all. We bought a new car to go places with Poppy, and then we bought a travel trailer so we could take Poppy with us everywhere. We aren’t car or RV people, but with Poppy, we began finding our way around exploring the edges of California-with Poppy always in the lead.
Our time exploring California took us all over the state, from the coast to the mountains, sitting alongside rivers and lakes, and hiking the trails. We were finding out way back from Isaiah’s death during Covid with Poppy as our guide. I am not sure what would have happened to us if we hadn’t had Poppy as the catalyst for buying a car, RV, and then using it as an excuse to get away from grief and work out into the world. It set us on the path towards healing, but was something that would take time.
Poppy is pure joy. If you have ever met her she is so happy and joyful, but Poppy also has moments where she was clearly having a case of the very deep sads. Poppy is happy and joyful by default, but there are moments where she expresses the load she carries for us and in my opinion there is nobody more qualified to do this work than Poppy. This Rottweiler carries a massive load and is completely intertwined with Audrey’s and mine emotions and hearts.
The work didn’t stop in NYC. Poppy adjusted quickly to the noises, smells, and horses. Poppy thrives in NYC and loves our morning Central Park walks. She has continued to carry the load as Audrey worked her way through PTSD treatment, and me continuing to struggle carrying the work load. I couldn’t have gotten through my year at Bloomberg without Poppy, and life is so amazing right now as I get to spend each day with her at home.
Poppy is so amazing. I love her so much. My previous dog Tripper who was an amazing animal was always my buddy and sidekick for 16 years. I am still mourning this little guy. But he was always an appendage and a sidecar outside of my body. Poppy is woven into my heart and grabs at me from the inside. I was so crushed after leaving her at the surgery center. I walked home in tears and spent the night feeling like a piece of me was missing.
Audrey and I are doing so much better as we approach five years since Isaiah died. But this episode with Poppy rattled us. So much of our heart and emotion is wrapped up in this 85 lb Rottweiler. I know it is hard to imagine the depths of this love from the outside. She’s just a dog right? Ugh. No, she is a part of me. She is all wound up in the sharing my heart with Audrey. I struggle with seeing where I begin and end, and where Audrey and Poppy are. I just can’t imagine life without Poppy, but at the same time I know that I won’t have her forever. But, you know what? I am going to make the most of every single moment I have with this Rottweiler cause she is a blessing and the most important thing I’ve had happen to me recent times. She is everything to me. She is everything to us.
