Mediocre by Ijeoma Oluo is one of the books on my deprogramming list of books. The book holds a special place on the list because it describes the systemic programming which I am working to deprogram myself of. I am taking the individual responsibility to repeatedly look at myself in the mirror and atone for my complicity in the violence of white male supremacy. I am not one of the rich and powerful white men, but I am very much complicit in my continued participation in these systems of repression. My deprogramming list of books represents my investment in holding myself accountable and pushing myself to do and be better.
I want to get at the heart of this system programming within myself. I intend to spend the rest of my years on this planet having faith that we can do better, and putting myself out there to push back against the machine at all expense. No excuses. For me, there is a dualism that has to exist for in my head for me to properly process this book. As a white man, to read a book that centers around you being part of a mediocre class requires the ability to hold two things in your head at once, 1) that you are mediocre, 2) that you aren’t mediocre by nature–you have been programmed to be this way by the very system you are defending. The final paragraph and closing sentence of Mediocre helps act as an exclamation point on my recurring writing and work.
But this is a human problem. These expectations of violent white manhood were set by people. The centering of white manhood at the expense of everyone else was done by people. These systems of power guaranteeing that a few white men will maintain power over us all, and that the remaining white men will spend their lives clawing toward whatever little bit of power is left, have been built by people. People who were the first to use violence and oppression. People who have worked very hard to convince us that there has never been a time when they were not in charge, and there never will be. But these people were no smarter or more special than us, and they depend on us, on our continued participation in the systems of oppression they have built to maintain their power. We have to find where we have been bonded to these systems, both individual and collectively, and we have to sever those bonds. I believe we can. I believe it because even after centuries of oppression and conditioning, we are still pushing and fighting against it. After centuries of being told that the cost of standing up to white male supremacy is too high, we still stand. We have to have more than just the desire to fight; we have to have the courage to look at ourselves and see our complicity in the violence of white male supremacy. We have to not only believe that we deserve better; we have to have faith that we can do better. And we have to start now.
“These systems of power guaranteeing that a few white men will maintain power over us all, and that the remaining white men will spend their lives clawing toward whatever little bit of power is left, have been built by people.” – Is very much what I see happening in front of me right now. This is why white men like me voted for Trump.
In my opinion, to do this work as a white man you have to be able to admit that you are mediocre. Not just in a literal direct sense, but more imporantly in a wider systemic sense. Acknowledging that I am part of that system. I am programmed by that system. Our mediocrity is because we are programmed and propped up by this system that was here before we were born, but that we grew up in. As a 52 year old white man I am mediocre because this system exists to prop me up. It is where all of my anxiety, insecurities, and fears come from, because I am propped up by it. I am not naturally mediocre by default because I was born white male. I am mediocre because of this system around me, which I am complicit in supporting. Trump is in power because he is mediocre as I am mediocre, and we are both fearful and angry because we are being propped up by an unjust system that we can’t see, but it is more about our refusal to see.
The hardest thing for me is still when I get called out for my complicity. I immediately get uncomfortable, angry, and want to open my mouth to defend myself and take down whoever my accuser is. I’ve learned that this response is due to my programming by the system, and my precarity being propped up by the system. I used to believe this was all some inner beast and past life BS, but I now know it is due to the systemic apparatus that exists around me in this society as a white man. It is painful to learn to see this. And when you spend your life not being called out due to your privilege, it is very difficult thing to handle without any experience. This takes practice. This takes building your muscles. Muscles that women and people of color already possess because of the gravity they grew up in. I find it helps to have the voices of these people in my head as I do the work to close my mouth and accept being called out.
This is what my deprogramming list of books is all about. Getting these diverse voices into my head, while also revealing the scaffolding that exists around me. But as Ijeoma says, this is a human problem. I can’t just blame the system and have to hold myself accountable. I know Ijeoma speaks from a very vantage point and perspective of people of color, which I strongly support. However, I have to also internalize and put her words in my head along with Angela Davis’s, Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz, Isabel Wilkerson, Robin Wall Kimmerer, and others. I have to use their voices to deprogram myself, but then also use my position to show other white men their complicity and reveal the apparatus around them that renders them mediocre, while also allowing white men like Donald Trump and Elon Musk to accumulate power. They advance through our support and votes. Mediocre is as mediocre does. Let’s stop focusing on being called out for our mediocreness and see it for what Ijeoma points out-—centuries of conditioning and programming.
