Every Saturday morning about 7:50 AM, just as we are ending our walk in the southwest corner of Central Park at Columbus Circle, I hand the dog leash to my wife and wave goodbye to my Rottweiler and descend down the stairs to the 1 line of the NYC subway, eventually making my way up to 110 Street Cathedral Parkway. At the 110th stop I ascend the stairs up to Broadway, grab my wallet to check if I have at least $50.00 in my pocket, otherwise I stop at the Chase Bank on the corner. This was the beginning of my weekend ritual to procure a weeks worth of bagels from the best bagel place in New York City and the world–Absolute Bagels.
The ride on the 1 up to Cathedral Parkway morning is a solemn and usually quiet experience. I don’t have my headphones on, or my iPhone out. I just sit on the train with the mix of morning New Yorkers just ending or beginning their day, with a few mixed in who likely do not even know what day it is. I just sit and stare forward and observe the world around me through the reflections in the subway car windows, avoiding the direct gaze of any single person, and keeping my male gaze all to myself. As I come up from under the city to Broadway street in front of HMART I pass by the Chase Bank because I usually have plenty of cash, I begin work to size up the direction (there is only one right way), and the length of the line in front of Absolute Bagels one block ahead.
As I approach the medium sized line of about 50 people coiling the “right way” up Broadway I file in at the end and I see my friend Bob halfway up by the door gesturing towards the assholes who are standing right in the door blocking everyone from leaving. I laugh and flip my head back. Whatcha going do? Depending on the day, and the number of individual sandwich orders being made, the line might take 10 minutes, it might take 60 minutes. Either way it is worth it to stand and people watch, eavesdrop on conversations, and occasionally contribute to spreading myths about this magical bagel destination on Broadway.
The line for Absolute Bagels always has a couple of skeptics. Is it worth it? Are they really the best in NYC? Yes, yes they are. People are always walking past the line asking what we are waiting for, and is it really that good? Yes, yes it is. The line for me is mostly about listening, unless I found myself in line with Bob, then we’d talk about the line, weather, and increasingly our families. Bob was 69 and past retirement, but didn’t see any need to retire. Bob always ordered the same thing, and if his guy was running the cash register Bob never waited, he just walked up and grabbed his bagel and waved goodbye to me.
Bob’s guys almost always ran the cash register, but he wandered in around 8:15 AM, and may or may not be running things by the time I got to the front of the line. If he was, he’d have my cream cheese and Lox waiting for me on the counter. Absolute Bagel was infamously cash only, and there were probably 30 or 40 times I reached the cash register where someone hadn’t read the sign and would find themselves standing in front of our cashier guy not giving a shit as they waved their credit card. Twice I found myself giving a shit enough to pay for the person’s order—-most of the time I would just smile.
You can learn a lot about the world standing in the Absolute Bagel line. You can always tell who the people are with two or three kids and a double wide stroller in line blocking the door who will also all order multiple specialized sandwiches, an order that will change multiple times before they landing on whatever they end up walking out the door with. Bob and I would inspect the line with our joking judgement about who would block the door and slow the line with their questions and confusion of the process. They are easy to spot based upon the way they carry themselves in line, often leaving for some Dunkin’s coffee while their partner waits.
I do not know anyone’s names, but I know them all by face, smile, and what their process is. The owner always has an I don’t give a fuck face on, which seldom, if ever warms, but when it does, you know those are real special people who have been coming for many, many, many years. My “favorite uncle” guy always asks me how I am doing, and gives me an update on the general tone of the day compared with others. He once shared with me the story of the old guy who comes in every day after his wife died during covid, just to get a bagel and talk. My favorite uncle will drop everything and spend 10-15 minutes making the gentleman feel welcome and warm.
It was always warm in Absolute Bagel. The colorful little sprite was always brightening my morning with the way she zigged, zagged, and squeaked asking everyone if they also needed a cup of coffee. And the hard working latino boys were always scooping the bagels out of the water, dipping them in poppy and sesame seeds, and dumping tray fulls of them in front of you as you stood in line deciding what you wanted. I always got a dozen, 8 sesame and 5 onions (baker’s dozen), until there wasn’t any sesame, or Audrey would ask for some onion raisin—-then I got whatever had just come out of the oven. This was always the guiding rule, and even if there were a handful of sesame, I would get some plain or cinnamon raisin, just cause they were fresh.
I never was in a hurry when standing in line. I never had a shortage of things to watch and think about. Sometimes there was no line at all, and sometimes the line started going around the block. It was all the same to me. Even when it was raining or snowing outside. I didn’t care. I was just there at the moment. They did one thing and did it well, and I loved being in the warm glow of that. The place was dirty and disorganized, but also magical and warm, with you leaving with exactly what you came for. I will miss those smiles and warm faces. The people working there and the people waiting in line.
It was common for me to bring my backpack instead of asking for a bag. When I would leave Absolute I could feel the warmth on my back as I turned right towards the 110th Street subway stop. If it wasn’t too rainy or cold I would stop in the middle of Broadway as I was crossing the street and sit on the benches absorbing the upper west side energy for five or six changes of the street lights. The benches in the middle of Broadway are always a nice place to watch the people coming and going and study the details of the Upper West Side architecture. Once I’d gotten high on the vibes I’d make my way back towards Columbus circle on the train, or sometimes on the bus as regular maintenance or other subway outages would shift my ritual.
It was a journey from 57th up to 110th and back each Saturday, but it was so worth it. It would take me anywhere from an hour to two hours depending on the mood of the city. Once I got home I would let Poppy out of her crate cause Audrey is usually out for a run, and dump my bagel haul on the counter. I would make myself one sesame bagel toasted with cream cheese and lox. Heaven. The perfect combination of flavor, softness, and chew. Once I finished, I would make a toasted onion with butter. Heaven 2.0. The perfect combination of onion, crunchiness, and luscious buttery fatness.
This has been my Saturday morning ritual from July 2023 through December 2024. There was an earlier time where I would go up to Absolute daily while we lived on the Upper West Side, but it was a different time and wasn’t quite ritual status. The last year was pure ritual and nourishing for my soul. It will be something I will remember for the rest of my life and complain about being gone whenever I eat another very good, but not quite as good bagel somewhere else in New York. I am so thankful that Absolute Bagel existed and I got to be part of it, and I am so very saddened by its closing.
I just wanted to say thank you to the owners, workers, and to the Upper West Side for making something like this happen for as long as it was possible. I feel like we are entering a phase where things like Absolute Bagel won’t be possible within the endless food delivery and instagrammable experiences swirling all around us. Despite its flaws, Absolute Bagel will always be a model for goodness in a world that always steers everything towards meaningful transactions which are rarely memorable and never become meaningful rituals that actually nourishes who we are as human beings.
