Leaving People Behind

I have long struggled and written about the people I leave behind in my life. There are a long list of people I have moved away from, severed communication with, and just evolved beyond over the years. Honestly, very, very, very few people can keep up with my mercurial approach to living, my appetite for travel and learning things, and more recently my determination to do the hard work of unraveling the programming of my youth has left even more people behind.

I am writing this to brush off the latest wave of cords that I’ve either released or have been neglected and ignored to the point that they’ll break free without much effort. I am sitting in New York in the most expensive apartment I have ever rented, going to work for a major financial data and media outlet. I struggle to find people in my life who I can discuss my success with. I can only talk to a handful of friends about what I do and how far along in my journey I am—others can’t relate, and some actively see me as rubbing it in their face and bragging.

I’d say that I only have about 5% guilt left about my success when engaging with people from my past. I’d say I’ve moved from about 60% guilt to 25% guilt in the last five years through a lot of hard work. However my last two trips to Oregon to visit friends and family, and exiting from Postman this summer has helped me get down to about 5% guilt regarding the people I leave behind. I am not cutthroat and mean in my approach, but I don’t have many fucks to give when it comes to moving forward in the second half of my life.

I am not doing this to be snobby, rich or famous. I am simply looking to live my life to the fullest–while celebrating along the way. I avoid screwing people over financially, but I am very, very guarded when it comes to whom I let in emotionally. This is my game. You have to pay your dues to get in on the game and hustle. You also have to be moving at a similar velocity either physically, creatively, or technically—otherwise we aren’t even on the same wavelength. Historically I have done most of the work switching wavelengths, but now that I have turned 50 I am expecting others to do the work. The bar is much higher now.