I have stepped back and thought about this journey in five separate parts, writing about each portion of the journey as it’s own post, but then stepping even further back to consider our journey as a whole, and think a little bit about what it means for the future. While there was plenty of other parts of our journey, I felt like these five areas impacted me the post as we made our way through this challenging time in our life.
I went into the last week an emotional mess and came out of in on much more solid ground. My mind is still processing everything that has happened, but overall the time on the road and trail has resulted in some very positive forward motion. There was so much that was unexpected this week, from the weather on Kerby Peak, to Bolan Lake being devastated by fire, but all of the unknown unknowns seemed to be exactly what was needed. I couldn’t argue with anything that unfolded this week, and even the tweaker zombies we saw roaming the streets of Ukiah seemed to be an acceptable part of the condition that is United States 2022.
I feel like I lost some serious baggage this week, but I also feel very somber about the state of this world, country, and Kin Lane. I am on solid footing because I have done a lot of emotional work over the last couple of weeks, on the tail end of a lot of mental and conversational work as part of my job. I feel healthy, sane, and most importantly able to deal with my upcoming calendar, and the state of things in the good ol US of A. Now I am ready for that book project I need to finish, all the various needs of my 25 team members, and to hear the results of the liver ultrasound I had before this journey started. I feel like Audrey and I are properly responding to the current state of things at work and in the world, but also when it comes to our grief around Isaiah.
Kerby Peak very much represents our struggles with Isaiah for me moving forward. It is beautiful, intense, hard, brutal, and totally worth it, which I think sums up Isaiah, Audrey, Poppy, and I very much. Experiencing a week of the “hard done by” life where I grew up this week as I was working to process what happened in Uvalde, Texas, providing what I need to keep fighting this good fight emotionally. The destructive and backwards reality that leads us perpetually to these mass shootings around the country is on full display when you drive through Southern Oregon, and working my way through it with such an emotionally raw heart this week has given me some new energy to use when making sense of all this madness that is so uniquely American.
OK, I am sure I’ll have lots more thoughts out of this weekend, but I feel content about this journey within this moment. I am excited about the seeds that were planted in this journey. Most notably that we will be returning to Kerby Peak to celebrate the kid every year, but also our discovery of the California Coastal Commission and the trail system they are building from Oregon to Mexico (they have an API ;-). I feel like these two seeds are going reap major rewards when it comes to the health and well being of our future selves. I feel like this trip was a major test of whether or not Audrey and I are going to be OK after the kids passing, and not only are we going to be alright, but the future holds some very compelling opportunities for growth, all coming from such a tragic set of circumstances that shaped Isaiah’s time on this earth.