I possess amazing powers of manifestation. I have a strong ability to see something in the future and make it happen. It has been something I became aware of at an early age, but have struggled my entire life with wielding in meaningful or purposeful ways. It can be tough to “see” something clearly enough in my minds eye and plot a course towards this thing or event, but more critically, it can be difficult to ensure that that this thing or event is something that benefits me and the world around me. Powers of manifestation doesn’t mean that what I can make happen will be good, and one of my greatest hurdles to get over in life is my programming that everything in the world will ultimately turn into shit, and all the future holds is pain, suffering, doom, and gloom.
I was raised on a steady doom and gloom about the future. Societal collapse was perpetually around the corner like “free beer tomorrow”. I have made huge strides in the last five years to identify and isolate my doom and gloom programming and work to reprogram it towards a much healthier way of moving through the world. First, I had to stop hanging out with the junkies and conspiracy theorists who had long ago given up, and were just sidecars in my inevitable ride towards the end of the world. There is no way that you can move towards anything meaningful and positive with these people whispering in your ear and dominating your Facebook timeline. This isn’t easy due to the fact that these are people you love and care for, but for your own well being you have to cut them loose to give yourself enough room to breathe and begin to see that a new and brighter world is possible.
Even once you get over the guilt and loneliness of cutting these people from your life, the programming is still there and you have to perpetually remind yourself that bad things do not have to happen to you. This post is the result of me reminding myself this week that my current job does not have to end in disaster, getting fired, drama, or some other negative situation. I am a little over two years into this job, the longest job I have had in over a decade, and I found myself speaking of some unknown event not far off in the future that will result in me having to leave and find something else to do. Why? Everything is going very well. I am doing exactly the scope of work I desire with exactly the people I want to be doing it with. There is nothing to limit the possibilities for what is to come except for the programming I have received in the first half of my life. I have the power to manifest a long and happy career and relationship with my employer, and realize healthy and happy outcomes personally, professionally, and financially.
My heightened sense of self-awareness allows me to pause and scrutinize my view of things and call bullshit on my desire to always blow things up. It allows me to reprogram for success, and not for failure. There is nobody whispering in my ear to tell me I am a loser, a failure, and that the world is out to get me. My belief that my current job will become untenable at some point, and that I am destined for financial failure is not real, and is just the programming of my youth. I make more money in my job than I could ever have imagined. I work on amazingly large scope problems with really smart people across all of the leading companies. Imposter syndrome, self-doubt, depression, and the other gravity that haunts me from my past are within my control to change. I can see a future where I continue to be successful, and are able to further stabilize myself financially and emotionally. Historically I have been able to push away the storm for brief moment so that I could see a bright future, but then the stormy weather would always consume me in the moment. For the first time in my life I can see brightness, with short periods of stormy weather blowing in like they did this week.
My heart will always be heavy with those I have had to leave behind. They like to say I am selling out and chasing financial success, or some elite status that allows me to look down on them. When in reality I would have rather done all of this with them, but they just didn’t have what it takes to manifest a future that didn’t involve doom and gloom. I am not doing this to be wealthy. I am doing this to be healthy, happy, and sane. I enjoy being able to look towards the future and smile. I enjoy being able to manifest joyous and satisfying outcomes that don’t involve so much pain and suffering. I know that these old voices all think that the inevitable distrust in the world and belief everything will collapse is an absolute, when in reality it is just a truth they have constructed. Like me, it is highly likely that this was constructed for them, handed down by those around them early on in life–but once you are an adult, it becomes your responsibility to change this. It is important that we do the hard work to unpack this before we hand it down to our children. This is the work I am doing, and I am very pleased with my progress.