Is My Girlfriend (Now Wife) Bothering You?
I’ve gotten a handful of emails, DMS, from folks, and seen an uptick in men "complaining", and “worried" about my girlfriend (now wife) @audreywatters behavior lately. First of all this is nothing new, it is something I’ve gotten for the last 4 years, and I’m constantly seeking balance in dealing with it (all y’all freaking out, not her behavior) in a sane way. My public web sites run on Github because of all y’all hacking my shit when I confront you in the past, and I am always looking to strike a balance my response to you "dudes" from time to time.
Here is my advice for you:
- If you are bothered and feeling like you should speak up and challenge what she is saying about race, gender, and diversity, you are part of the problem—look in the mirror.
- If, as a white man you feel like you are being compromised, called out, or minimized (unless she referenced your name or @twitterhandle), you are part of the problem—look in the mirror. (if she called you out directly, it is guaranteed you are part of problem)
- You have the power to tune out. You can un-follow her (and me) on Twitter, and you can unsubscribe to her (and mine) blogs. You have the power, and privilege. ;-)
And in response to a couple of your emails and DMS, I’m not in the business of “reining" my girlfriend in. It is not a concept I subscribe to, sorry. If an “outspoken” or “badly behaved" woman makes you feel uncomfortable...well, you are part of the problem—look in the mirror. I mean have you had an “outspoken” or “badly behaved" girlfriend? The best!!! I digress, back to the issue at hand...
I don’t give shit about your concerns, and as a privileged white men I think we have a little (lot of) pain and suffering to endure. When was the last time you felt unsafe, in danger, and had to look over your shoulder going out after an event or work? If you are white, male and feeling compromised by the discussions going on, good...it is s a start. A very piss poor start, but a start none the less.
Speaking from my privileged position as a 6’ 3”” white man, who goes everywhere (we spent like 10 days apart in 2013) with my girlfriend, if you are in the business of making her feel uncomfortable I won’t hesitate to kick the shit out of you. Period. Sorry, your threats are just a sign of your weakness, and insecurity, not ours--pull my criminal record if you need convincing.
The only way we (white privileged men) are going to address racism and sexism, is by changing ourselves, it is not “their” problem. I’m not excluded from this, I’m a white, privileged man, and complicit in this bullshittery, which is why I speak up from time to time, as well as silently support outspoken women like @audreywatters.
P.S. If I am still sending you this link after all these years, you can rest assured that you are in a long long line on sad men who are scared of women, and your behvior is nothing new, but something that will continued to be called out until you either change or go away.