I am constantly battling with my development life. I was taught that if you are a programmer that you are similar to being an accountant or insurance salesperson. I can't remember where I first got this perspective, but it was ingrained in me somewhere along the way.
Only in the last five years I realized I am a creative. I always just thought I was weird. Programming just doesn't happen, I can't always make it happen between 9-5. I can't just turn it on or off.
Sometimes if flows so hard I have trouble controlling it. I get ideas before I go to bed and end up not falling asleep until 4-5 am.
Other times I sit down to a project that has to be done and I can't create anything, my "mojo" is gone.
I battle with the guilt that when I am exploring, reading and playing with API's, code and other systems I am not working and because it isn't paid time it is a waste.
This time is so valuable in growing my awareness, skills, and overall focus of my work time. However most clients, bosses, and my wife most of the time would just rather have me on task.
Being and managing creatives is not easy and straightforward.